


A Reason To Live

by TenorPrince



Series: A Reason [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenorPrince/pseuds/TenorPrince
Summary: Tobias Nightwing, a human, just wanted to spend time outside the Shire. This adventure he got dragged on was the perfect opportunity to follow through with his plans. Unfortunately for him, Kili and Fili catch him hurting himself. The brothers decide to tell Thorin.This has a happy ending because I'm a sucker for fluff
Series: A Reason [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854322
Kudos: 8





	A Reason To Live

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here. You're welcome to leave constructive criticism!  
> Trigger warning:Self harm and suicidal thoughts

Tobias didn’t mean to get dragged on this adventure, but he would be damned if he wasn’t going to follow through with his plan.  
It seemed like years ago when Thorin’s Company showed up at his house by accident. They thought they had made it to Bilbo’s house, but obviously they hadn’t. He let them inside to warm up and restock for the journey. Then that fucking wizard showed up. Of course, Tobias was needed on the quest. Gandalf left no room for arguments. So Tobias packed, unsure if he would survive the next week, never mind till the end of the journey.  
When the team showed up at Bilbo’s house in the Shire, things quickly came together. Soon, they were going on an adventure.

‘That’s disgusting.’ Thought Tobias as the company fought another hoard of Orcs. The air smelled like rot from the Orc blood, his sword slicing through another chest. Tobias blocked attacks while checking on the others during the fight. His eyes widened as he saw Thorin and a chance. An Orc was sneaking up behind Thorin as he was busy with the three orcs in front of him. Tobias rushed towards the king with two thoughts in his mind. Save Thorin and Die Trying.  
Tobias leapt in front of the Orc ready to strike the king. The sword cut into his neck and chest and Tobias screamed. It hurt. Oh god, it hurt so bad. The burning sensation in his chest spread as he threw his sword at the Orc and landed on the ground. The sword went straight into the Orcs head and it fell. No one had a chance to check on him because another wave of Orcs came to try and slaughter them. Tobias laid on the ground, his blood starting to pool around him. He found an odd sense of peace as he lay on the ground. The sound of metal meeting metal faded as Tobias found himself drifting away.

And then he woke up. What was his luck? Consciousness came back to him while Fili was leaning over his body, shaking him and begging him to wake up. “Come, brother, you must wake up. We cannot lose you. You must wake up!”  
Tobias opened his eyes. The light blinded him momentarily while he got his bearings. The company had moved him to their new campsite and had set up a bedroll for him. The rest of the company sat tensely around the fire, waiting for something.  
Fili jumped up when Tobias opened his grey eyes. “Great Mahal above! Everyone! Tobias is awake!”  
Oin came running with questions and new bandages. Kili ran to get Tobias water as Fili and Thorin helped sit him up. Tobias coughed as Thorin put his hands on Tobias’ back. Thorin continued helping him sit up. “How long?” Tobias’ raspy voice ground out.  
“Three days. Now lift your arm so we can change your bandages.” Oin gently lifted his arm as the old bandages came off, revealing the gnarly cut that went to his throat. “So that’s why it hurt,” Tobias grumbled out.  
As Oin changed his bandages, Bilbo asked the question Tobias was dreading. “Why didn’t you just block the sword? We’ve been worried sick about you for three days! We haven’t moved camp. We have lost three days of travel worrying about you! What do you have to say for yourself?” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Just knew I had to protect this idiot from getting himself killed. Besides, you could have left me.” 

The group gasped at Tobias’ words. They had never once thought of leaving him. To the Dwarves, Tobias was a brother. A slimmer, less hairy brother, but a brother non the less. He had patched up their wounds, told fun stories, laughed together, cried together. They were a family. And they never left family behind.  
“Never.” Thorin was the first to answer. A chorus of “no!” and “Absolutely not!” rang out after him.  
“Alright, okay! I get it! Don’t leave the youngest behind.”  
Oin finished bandaging his wound and stepped back. “You should be able to walk now, lad. We’ll let you rest another 2 days, then we can head out.”  
Thorin and Fili helped Tobias up and closer to the fire. Everyone sat around and chatted. Food was served, and tea was made from mint found around the camp. Tobias later found himself getting up. He reassured everyone that he was just going to clear his head and that he would be back in five minutes.  
Tobias found himself sat at a tree with a knife to his calf. ‘No one will question cuts on my calf if they see them. They will all just assume they are from walking in the woods.’ He thought as he made another slice into his already scarred skin. Little did he know, Kili and Fili had been sent to follow Tobias in case he got hurt. They were afraid as they saw Tobias cutting himself. Kili ran back to camp to tell Thorin while Fili stayed to keep an eye on Tobias. Fili circled around as Tobias began heading back towards camp.  
Thorin was looking at Kili like he was tired of dealing with him. “Tobias,” Thorin called as Tobias entered the camp. “Come here.” Tobias wandered over slowly, wondering what Thorin could possibly want with him.  
“Kili says you hurt yourself on purpose. Is this true?” Tobias’ eyes widened as he looked Thorin in the eye.  
“No! Of course not! Why would I if I were already injured?” Tobias lied smoothly.  
“If you were, stop. That is a ridiculous thing to do. It is silly and unneeded.” Thorin wandered off to find his bedroll.  
Tobias tried to walk away as well, before Kili grabbed him and dragged him to the side of the camp with Fili. “Why did you lie? We saw you!” Kili looked angry and worried.  
“Look guys, I really don’t want to talk about this. Maybe tomorrow.”

Tobias heard two conversations that night.  
Kili and Fili whispered to each other while the rest of the company slept.  
“Do you think cutting skin is like cutting your hair?” Kili asked.  
“Mahal above, I hope not. I would feel terrible if our friend was hurting that badly and didn’t talk to us.” Fili answered.  
The conversation they had carried on like that for a while. Tobias got the gist. Cutting your hair as a dwarf was horrendous. If someone cut your hair, that was assault. And if you cut your own hair, well, that was the worst conceivable way to hurt yourself.  
The next conversation was between Fili and Thorin.  
“Uncle, Kili and I think that Tobias cutting his skin is like cutting his hair, but easier to hide.”  
“Hurting yourself is something only a coward would do. If Tobias is hurting himself, its either for attention or because he wishes to slow our journey. Now go to sleep. It is my turn to take watch.” Thorin’s words hit Tobias like a knife in the heart. He was a coward. His mind spun that night, wondering how he could make Thorin believe he wasn’t a coward. Then it struck him. If cutting your hair wasn’t a cowardly thing to do, maybe Thorin could see he was hurting. 

The next morning came fast. The company woke up to Bilbo making a fantastic breakfast that reminded them all of oatmeal. Tobias offered to fill everyone's canteens. Everyone agreed, and Tobias set out to the river with fifteen canteens and his sword. The river was beautiful. Its crystal clear water looked amazing to drink. He carefully filled each canteen and set them down beside a fallen tree.  
Tobias looked at himself in the river with sad eyes. "A haircut wouldn't do me so bad. Besides, its not like anyone would care." Tobias whispered to himself as he lifted his sword to his head. In two minutes, his hair was back down to its original length.  
Tobias picked up the canteens and made his way back to camp. All eyes were on him as he entered the camp.  
“What happened to ya lad?” asked Balin.  
“Who do we have to kill!?” Fili and Kili jumped to their feet, ready to defend their friend.  
Thorin looked angry, his eyes burning with more rage than he’s had in any battle.  
“There’s no one to kill.” Tobias said quietly.  
Shocked gasps rang out through the clearing. “You did this to yourself?” Thorin growled while striding over to Tobias. He put down the canteens and bowed his head. The braid he was given that showed he was part of the Durin family remained. But the braids for saving the king and honor were gone.  
Thorin grabbed the braid gently, looking at it like it was his lifeline. Kili shoved Thorin out of the way and took Tobias into his arms. “This is your fault.” He hissed at his king. “You’re the reason. Get away!” Fili joined his brother against their uncle. The rest of the company looked to their king for answers.  
“I heard you talking to Fili. You called me a coward. I guess you were right.” Tobias whispered. But the whole company heard it. Yelling and fighting broke out among the clearing. Friend holding friend back from fighting their king. Kili and Fili took you a short walk away from camp.  
“Tobias, you were hurting yourself, weren’t you?” Tobias couldn’t look Fili in the eye. His pant leg and sleeves were rolled up to reveal years of scars. But one on his wrist stood out.  
“What did you do?”  
Kili’s question was met with sobbing and a fierce hug. The scar was old, but right on top of a major artery. One that could kill you if you cut it. The brothers put two and two together. “Oh Tobias. Why didn’t you tell us?” Tobias was squished between the two, and no one was letting go for a long time.  
Well, maybe they had to. Thorin, with Balin in tow, came to find the group. Thorin kneeled before the three, and began to speak.  
“Tobias, I have wronged you. I have put a stain on your honor and caused you to believe you were a shame to the company. Your braids cannot be replaced quickly. I am only glad you kept your family braid.” Thorin produced a small dagger. “I must atone for staining your honor and causing you pain. Please, cut my hair as you see fit.”  
The brothers looked shocked while Tobias stared blankly at Thorin.  
“You absolute fucking idiot!”  
Tobias shook himself from the brother’s arms and dragged Thorin up by his arm.  
“Yes, you hurt me deeply, and this as the only way I could show it without you calling me a coward! But I will not cut your hair you dolt! You come to me on your knees begging to atone as if one thing is going to help with all this! I cannot even trust you anymore. I will not cut your hair. I trusted you. I thought you were better than this.” Tobias pulled Thorin into a hug.  
“I’m sorry it took this to see you were hurting.” Thorin scooped Tobias up bridal style and carried him back to camp. The company was ordered to find supplies for your favorite meal. Oin boiled water to make more mint tea. Thorin sat with Tobias near the fire and gently played with his braid.  
“I am glad you did not disown us as your family. Might I ask to re braid your hair when it grows again?”  
Tobias looked at Thorin and nodded. “I would appreciate that very much.”

ooOO88OOoo  
The company had made it to Erebor. After the battle of five armies, Tobias was once again in a medical tent. Unfortunately, it was an elf medical tent. Only the most injured ended up here. Lord Elrond was leaning over his chest, furiously cleaning the wound.  
“Lie still my friend,” he said as Tobias tried to move. “I do not wish to injure you more.”  
Tobias looked down at his chest. A new gash was added to it. This one was right over the one he received the last time he saved Thorin.  
Tobias once again squirmed, and Lord Elrond stopped what he was doing. “Mellon, please. I am trying to fix your wound. Legolas!” Lord Elrond called. Legolas walked over. “Yes, my lord?”  
“Oh, enough of that. Can you please distract our friend while I stitch this up?”  
Legolas sat beside your head and began talking. You shared stories of this fight and of previous fights. Tales of trolls and tree climbing filled the tent. Once the job was done, Tobias once again tried to sit up.  
“Oh, no you don’t,” Legolas chided as he pushed you back down. “Rest. We will find your friends. Well met, mellon nin. I hope to see you before the sun sets on our friendship.”  
Legolas left and Tobias was once again alone. The comfortable silence soon ended when a worried Thorin rushed in, with two mischief makers followed behind.  
“You saved me again. You crazy man, you saved my life twice now.” Thorin hugged Tobias gently and ran his hand through his long hair. “Once we get you back to the mountain, would you et me braid your hair?”

ooOO88OOoo  
Tobias looked in the mirror. The scar on his chest faded slightly but was still very visible. He played with his hair, now almost full of braids.  
“Thorin,” Tobias called. “What do they all mean?”  
“Well, my friend, You have one for courage, one for honor, two for saving me twice, one for the family of Durin, one for bravery, and this one,” Thorin faded off a bit and showed Tobias the braid. “This one is an offer of courtship.”  
The two stared in silence for a moment. Thorin did not move as Tobias turned to loo at him. He grabbed Thorin’s face and pulled him into a rough kiss.  
“Does that answer your question?”


End file.
